Being nicer to yourself is good business. Here’s why and how to start.

Let’s pretend for a moment. I’m my 2024 Self, chatting with my 2019 Self.

“ You’re not going to believe this, but in 2024, you’ll be talking to clients (and an internet full of strangers) about the life-changing power of being kind to yourself.” The response? “ Ha! That’s ridiculous. “

That’s because 2019-Me-the one who grew up hearing, “Life sucks and then you die,” whether or not it was meant ironically-didn’t see any version of me becoming an advocate for self-kindness, ever.

I was always on board with being kind to others. The problem is, that fails without balance. My old self would be rock-solid for others, but when I experienced disappointment, I would feel small, resentful, and storm away. I didn’t realize I was putting my happiness in the hands of others, while the aspect of my happiness that was most important and which I could actually control-my own self-talk-was completely intolerant and scathingly critical.

It took an epic breakup in my 30s for me to notice that practicing kindness externally and not internally actually produced destructive results. Unconsciously, by treating myself as unlovable on the inside, I’d been teaching the universe how to treat me. Boy, did it respond. Eventually, I realized I couldn’t expect others to treat…